i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
