he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
