I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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