Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize