There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Last time i carry you out of a forest
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
