I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Randomize
