Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
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