I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
