i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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