I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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