The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
