I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
