Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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