someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
