Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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