There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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