and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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