My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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