Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
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she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
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Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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