i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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