I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I puked a lego.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
