You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
