I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
