You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
