So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
