why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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