I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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