Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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