you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
