I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize
