Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
