I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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