is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
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My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
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my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
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