I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
