you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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