I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
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Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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