we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
3pm strippers are depressing
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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