At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
