was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
