just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Randomize
