What a fucking waste of an outfit
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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