Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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