Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I'm like, not good at living.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
