My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
