My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
