I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
