i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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