We're facebook friends in real life
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
