I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
