Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
