Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I just gargled with NyQuil
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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