So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
