Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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