Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
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