That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
