you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
